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Washington – Residents here got quite a scare last week, when a rash of nausea and other digestive complaints spread throughout the town. Rumors abounded, and posited that the victims had fallen ill with complaints that varied from salmonella to bird flu. Officials rushed to the scene.

After considerable investigation, they were able to find a common origin for the complaints – all the victims had attended the same neighborhood picnic. What’s more, they all had eaten a special “festive salad” that had been put together by Washington man John Doe.

Officials analyzed the salad, which was found to contain black olives, orange marmalade, yellow peppers, blue potatoes, white wine, red grapes and green bananas.

“I wanted it to be a rainbow of flavors,” said Doe. “I’ve been watching a lot of those cooking show challenges on the telly, and I thought I’d give it a try.”

After thoroughly chastising Doe for attempting to feed innocent people such a disgusting concoction, officials gave the all clear.

“No one was, in fact, poisoned,” the chief health inspector said. “They just all ate a dish that was very, very disgusting. I think it’s safe to call it a culinary abomination.”

He concluded by warning people that just because they see something on television, does not mean they should try it at home.

“Just stick with the basics,” he said. “Please.”

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